


Side Effects May Include

by Obscure Fanfiction Series (RichardGraysonPercyJackson), RichardGraysonPercyJackson



Series: John Constantine: Exorcist, Demonologist, and Petty Master of The Dark Arts [2]
Category: Constantine (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Dark Thoughts, Depression, Drug Withdrawal, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Medication, Paranoid Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, Smoking, Suicide Attempt, Withdrawal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29608821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RichardGraysonPercyJackson/pseuds/Obscure%20Fanfiction%20Series, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RichardGraysonPercyJackson/pseuds/RichardGraysonPercyJackson
Summary: The psychological symptoms of nicotine withdrawal include: a strong desire or craving for nicotine. irritability or frustration.Clozapine can cause severe dizziness, slow heartbeats, fainting, or seizures. Be careful if you drive or do anything that requires you to be alert. Avoiding drinking alcohol, as dangerous side effects could occur.
Series: John Constantine: Exorcist, Demonologist, and Petty Master of The Dark Arts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2172537
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. No More Nicotine (For John Constantine)

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during Chapter 1 of "The Darkness of John Constantine". You don't really have to have read that before this one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John scowled, hating the second diagnosis far more than the first. 
> 
> He might be currently self-admitted into a psychiatric asylum and hallucinating the worst moments of his life and attempting to kill himself every third weekend, but that didn’t mean he was crazy.

John had a choice, they told him. He could either quit smoking in order to be put on Clozapine for the hallucinations and schizophrenia, or he could stay in Ravenscar until they found some other non-medicated way to help him.

Damn all antipsychotics for being severely affected by nicotine, John thought, as he handed over his pack of smokes.

“Now, what you have to remember, Mr. Constantine,” John’s therapist at the asylum told him, a few hours after he’d given up his cigarettes - and later tried to bash his head into the wall when his father and Nergal had gotten too loud. “You’re going to be dealing with withdrawal symptoms from the nicotine on top of your current symptoms with the schizophrenia and paranoid personality disorder.”

John scowled, hating the second diagnoses far more than the first. He might be currently self-admitted into a psychiatric asylum and hallucinating the worst moments of his life and attempting to kill himself every third weekend, but that didn’t mean he was  _ crazy. _

“Yeah, I sort of figured that out myself, luv,” he drawled. Even if quitting smoking cold turkey  _ didn’t _ normally come with nasty side effects, John’s own personal cloud of bad luck would have given him some anyway. “Thanks though.”

…………………………………..

John did end up doing some research, later. Once he’d gone a few hours without another self harm attempt and was actually permitted a little bit of space. The asylum did have a library with (mostly) open internet access and after a few moments of glowering at his sorry reflection in the computer monitor, he booted it up and started his search.

_ Though it may feel unpleasant,  _ **_nicotine withdrawal_ ** _ has no health dangers related to it. The psychological symptoms of  _ **_nicotine withdrawal_ ** _ include: a strong desire or craving for  _ **_nicotine_ ** _. irritability or frustration. _

“Oh, is that all,” John drawled to himself in a low voice. “Well, that’s nothing I don’t deal with on a regular basis anyway.”

Over his shoulder, his father laughed. John ignored him as he continued to read.

Side effects of nicotine withdrawal may include the following:

_ Tense cravings for nicotine _

John drummed his fingers against his thigh, staring intently at the corner of his therapist’s desk as he tried to focus on anything other than the irritating feeling in his chest, hands, stomach, pretty much every part of his body.

“It’s two days into being without smoking,” his therapist remarked in what she probably thought was a gentle voice but what was really just incredibly grating, irritating, and condescending. “How are you feeling?”

_ Like I want to rip off my skin. _ “Fine.”

“How about everything else?” her voice softened impossibly and John wanted to rip out her throat. Nergal’s hands settled on his shoulders and Astra appeared in his peripheral and it took all John’s waning self control to not start bashing his head into the corner of the desk.

_ So much worse. _ “Fine.”

Lying was second nature to John Constantine, but his therapist never fell for it so he really wasn’t sure why he even bothered with her.

“I need you to be honest with me, John,” she told him. “I can’t help you if you’re not honest.”

John merely scoffed. Nergal’s grip tightened.

……………………………….

_ Sweating _

John felt disgusting, his shirt soaked through despite the fact that he’d  _ just _ put on another one. Honestly, so far his least favorite symptom of nicotine withdrawal  _ had _ to be the sweating. His entire body felt hot and wet and  _ slimy _ and truthfully, fighting sludge demons and the coblynau in Heddwich Pennsylvania where he’d met Zed had been better than sweating to death.

It was truly disgusting, this feeling - sensation - of swimming in your own bodily fluids.

“It’ll get easier,” another patient told John. Abraham had gone through nicotine withdrawal a few years earlier. John hadn’t been there, but he’d heard the stories of how Abraham had tried to kill himself more than once until the symptoms got better.

John’s therapist advised him to stay away from Abraham, just in case the other somehow triggered his own suicidal feelings.

Ever one to avoid contact with others who came a hair too close to reminding him of himself, John agreed.

………………………………..

_ Headaches and coughing _

John squeezed his eyes closed harder, curled up on the bed as he coughed violently once more into the crook of his elbow, headache inching towards  _ migraine _ , fueled by the aggressive pain in his chest and making him feel altogether more miserable than he had  _ before _ he’d gone off nicotine and was just dealing with hallucinations and suicide attempts.

“It’ll get better,” John’s therapist told him, as though he didn’t already know that. As though he  _ hadn’t _ already insistently been told that.

“The Clozapine better work,” he told her. “It had better be worth this.”

“I think, being able to go day to day without seeing your father, will always be worth it,” she replied gently.

John scowled, but she  _ was _ right, he supposed. John would go through nicotine withdrawal symptoms the rest of his life if it meant never having to see his father looming down on him again.

(He’s being sarcastic, obviously, because nicotine withdrawal symptoms are probably the worst thing he’s ever experienced which, considering everything his father has done to him, is saying something).

………………………….

_ Insomnia _

John’s used to feeling tired. Used to waking up more often than not from nightmares and bad dreams, and then going off to have a drink rather than try and fall asleep again.

Insomnia’s a bit worse than that because now he’s waking up before he even gets a chance to  _ have _ nightmares. Now he can’t fall asleep at  _ all _ , no matter how tired he feels from his lack of sleep the night before.

“If you tell me it gets better,” he snapped to his therapist, after talking to her about his trouble sleeping. “I might snap your neck.”

She gave him a small smile but thankfully didn’t say anything. At least on the matter of ‘it gets better’.

“You’re two weeks in,” she told him. “The symptoms usually ease up between two to four weeks.”

“Bloody fucking cheers then, luv,” John drawled. “Terrific.”

Inside, all he could do was hope she was right. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

……………………………..

_ Difficulty concentrating _

John wasn’t sure how long he’d been staring at the back of his hand before it was covered by that of his therapist and he jumped, looking up to find her watching him with a worried expression.

“I think we’re done for today, John,” she told him, stepping back.

“Sorry,” John mumbled, rubbing his eyes as stupid insomnia caused exhaustion weighed down on his shoulders. “Been having trouble concentrating lately.”

And he doubted the lack of sleep was doing much to help. His therapist nodded, frustratingly understanding in all this mess.

“You’re getting better though,” she pointed out as he stood and made his way towards the door of his office. “The symptoms aren’t as bad anymore.”

“No, but there’s a bloody new one every day,” he grumbled.

“That’s how nicotine withdrawal works, John,” she remarked. “Just hold on for a little longer.”

_ Don’t you think I’m trying? _

…………………………….

_Anxiety_ _and Depression_

As if John  _ needed _ another diagnosis. As if he  _ needed _ anxiety and depression on top of Schizophrenia and Paranoid Personality Disorder.

“I really want to put you on Clozapine,” John’s therapist told her. “Which means, it’s going to be difficult to treat the anxiety and depression since antipsychotics and antidepressants don’t mix well together.”

_ Yeah, that would be the John Constantine luck coming into play there _ . John doesn’t say as he drums his fingers against the arm of the chair, his heart beating erratically out of his chest to the point that even breathing hurts.

He’s sweating but that’s more from the stupid anxiety than the nicotine withdrawal and he furiously wipes his palms on his thighs when he feels them slicked up, grimacing at the feeling as he rubs his hands together, a nervous tick he’d picked up.

The craving for nicotine has only gotten worse in the last few days, to the point that he’s now been put been on suicide watch. Funny, because in all the time he’s been here with the damn hallucinations, they’ve never felt he was  _ that _ big a danger to himself.

But now that he’s been diagnosed with depression, he supposes things have changed.

“We’ll wait to get you on the Clozapine, see how you react to that,” his therapist continues saying. “If all goes well, I’ll consider putting you on  Citalopram for the depression and anxiety as well.”

John nods. He supposes she can see the end of the tunnel, if she’s talking so intently about medication. John though, all he can see is a big ‘danger, road closed’ sign.

He doesn’t tell her that, even though he knows he should.

………………………

It takes four damn weeks before the nicotine withdrawal symptoms finally ease up. Not the anxiety and depression, of course, they’re there to stay, but everything else finally relaxes enough that John passes out the minute his head hits the pillow and doesn’t wake up until a doctor is frantically shaking him awake because he hadn’t woken up when he was meant to and they thought he’d died.

………………………………..

The Clozapine works well, far better than John was expecting, so his therapist tentatively puts him on Citalopram for the anxiety and depression, mostly because it’s one of the only antidepressants out there that can safely work alongside Clozapine.

She makes him stay for a few months. To make sure the meds are going to work, are going to  _ help _ and to make sure they’re not going to fuck each other over and therfore, fuck  _ him _ over.

To make sure he gets into the habit of taking them and to make sure he doesn’t go home, just to kill himself and throw away the last year and some change he spent at the asylum.

John agrees because he’s survived so long, he refuses to fall because of his own trauma. If he can survive his father, Nergal, everything else then he can damn well survive this.

Right?


	2. Consequence of Clozapine

_Clozapine_ is an antipsychotic medication, used to treat schizophrenia. It can also lower the risk of suicidal behavior in patients with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder.

 _Clozapine_ can cause severe dizziness, slow heartbeats, fainting, or seizures. Be careful if you drive or do anything that requires you to be alert. Avoiding drinking alcohol, as dangerous side effects could occur.

Side effects may include:

_Dizziness, fainting, or lightheadedness when getting up suddenly from a lying or sitting position._

John groaned as he blinked his eyes open, glaring up at the ceiling of his room before blindly fumbling for his alarm, switching it off before swiftly pushing himself up and to his feet. The result was almost instant, his entire head taking on a strange floating feeling, eyes feeling sore as he became dizzy, staggering until he managed to grasp the bed frame and slide to his knees, breathing heavily.

Eventually, the feeling faded and John was able to get to his feet again, more slowly this time of course. He figured it was a side effect of getting up too fast, though it hadn’t ever happened to him before. Shaking his head, he moved a bit slower as he dressed for the day, just to ensure he wasn’t made dizzy again.

………………………………………….

_Fainting_

John really couldn’t say what exactly happened. One moment he was leaning against Chas’s cab, watching Zed sweet talk the victim of their current case, the next he was on the ground with Chas’s coat under his head and Chas, Zed, and the victim leaning over him.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, shoving them away as he forced himself (slowly) into a seated position, ignoring the concerned looks and Chas’s order that he should stay where he was. “Just a little fainting spell, it’s fine.”

“You passed out, John,” Zed told him, as though John hadn’t figured that out for himself at this point. “You’re not _fine_.”

John scowled at her. “Just a symptom of nicotine withdrawal,” he tried instead. “Haven’t had a smoke in, oh…” he thought for a moment before deciding he actually can’t remember the specific length. “Several months, at least.”

Zed stared at him, eyes wide, while Chas stayed silent and it took John a moment to recall Chas had found his bottle of Clozapine in the bathroom a few weeks earlier. No doubt he’d done some research on the side effects and had found a list of things not to engage in while on the medication.

Smoking and drinking being the two most important.

John scowled to himself, pushing himself (slowly) to his feet and ignoring Zed’s worried hands. No doubt he and Chas would be having words later. Thankfully, their victims' home went up in flames behind them, drawing all of them back to the current case and away from John’s most recent problem.

………………………………………..

_Fast, pounding, or irregular heartbeat or pulse_

John fought down the urge to groan, doubled over his knees as one hand gripped at his chest. His heart was pounding painfully, racing at an alarming rate, but John had least had a clear enough head to be thankful it was late at night and he was alone.

“John?”

Bollocks. Not as alone as he’d thought, apparently. He fought the urge to wince, all his strength dedicated to drawing his hand away from his chest as he turned to find Chas standing behind him, a frown on his face.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed, mate?” It was the only thing John could think to say.

Chas pressed his lips together. “So should you,” he replied instead.

John waved him off, trying not to show his frustration when Chas ignored him and came to sit on the couch next to him instead.

“Working on a spell, that’s all,” he replied, lying through his teeth. “S’ppose I got a bit distracted, lost track of time.” he shifted, wincing when his chest pulled but thankfully, Chas mistook it as discomfort from sitting on the couch for several hours, and didn’t question.

“You really do need a better sleep schedule, John,” Chas lectured.

John gave a breathy little laugh. “Sure mate, I’ll get right on that,” he drawled as he stood, his heart thankfully calming down by now but leaving him more than a little exhausted. “Don’t worry _daddy_ , I’m off to bed now.”

Chas watched him go with sad eyes, but John ignored him. He was fine, it was fine, there was nothing wrong.

The shadows in the corner of his eyes grew. He ignored them.

……………………………….

_Fever_

So far, John’s least favorite side effect of Clozapine would be the fever. He rarely got sick to begin with but since taking Clozapine, he had a bad once a month fever. Thankfully he’d gotten mostly lucky (somehow) in that Chas and Zed always seemed to be out of the millhouse when he woke up with one and he was able to make up some sort of excuse for not leaving his room when they got back.

A fever was like the nicotine withdrawal symptom of sweating, but worse. Because his entire body ached and felt warm, making him feel sick and miserable, yet anytime he kicked off his blankets, he immediately had to pull them back on as a damn chill overtook his body.

He huffed, knowing he really should probably stumble into the kitchen or bathroom or wherever Chas kept their medication stash and find some tylenol or ibuprofen, but that would involve getting _up_ for one thing, and interacting with Chas and Zed for another.

So far, he’d managed to carefully avoid any and all conversation with Chas in regards to the Clozapine, but if he came out there with a fever, he knew he wouldn’t get lucky this time. Chas and Zed would know instantly that the had a fever and while Zed might be concerned and order him to get plenty of rest and fluids, Chas would definitely follow him back to his room and bug him over and over about what was going on and what the Clozapine was for, while John was sick and helpless and unable to get up and walk away.

So he merely curled up further into his blanket and made himself suffer alone the rest of the evening until he decided it was late ans safe enough that Chas and Zed were _probably_ in bed and he could safely sneak out to the bathroom for tylenol.

Although, as he soon discovered, it seemed Chas knew exactly what he was doing because when he slipped into the bathroom, there was a glass of water and a bottle of ibuprofen sitting on the sink counter, taunting him.

Scowling, John downed them quickly, turning to leave the bathroom only to pause when he spotted the note under the ibuprofen bottle.

_In case your fever gets worse and I’m not here, don’t take tylenol. Ibuprofen has no known reaction when mixed with Clozapine but tylenol requires caution and being watched._

John scowled harder, grabbing the note and taking it and the ibuprofen bottle with him back to his room, murmuring a spell under his breath and happily watching the little note go up in flames.

He didn’t need Zed seeing that because the last thing he wanted was her getting on his case about what might be wrong. Chas knew how to handle him, Zed didn’t.

And John really wasn’t in the mood to talk about how he was apparently more fucked in the head than they’d initially thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know your thoughts, it makes me happy to know people are reading/interacting/liking.
> 
> Currently working on part 3 but who knows when that'll be out

**Author's Note:**

> Posting chapter 2 of this and chapter 4 of "The Darkness of John Constantine" tomorrow, let me know your thoughts!


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